I finally know what is wrong with me. After six months of fatigue, rapid heartbeat, arrhythmia, mood swings, and the agony of uncertainty, my disease has a name.
I'm happy that I know what's wrong with me, but I'm also sad, because now I have to say goodbye to "healthy me". I've had outstanding health until now, and I guess I've just assumed that if I take moderately good care of myself, nothing would ever go wrong with me. So goodbye to that. Goodbye to saying "none" when asked by doctors of any known conditions or current medications. Goodbye to being able to put anything into my body without knowing how it reacts with my medications. Goodbye to being placed in the healthiest, lowest-premium brackets for health and life insurance; thank goodness I have both, because getting either policy now would be ridiculously expensive or impossible.
I know I'm sounding melodramatic. As diseases go, I suppose I'm lucky. While not curable, it is at least manageable (though the choices aren't too pretty: lifetime medication that suppresses my immune system, surgery or swallow a radioactive pill that renders me toxic to humans for two weeks). There's even a tiny chance I could go into remission. Many, many others have it far, far worse.
Rather than wallow in self-pity, I'm going to take positive steps to live with my condition (a better word than disease!). First, I am saying goodbye to complacency. I can no longer take my well-being for granted and assume that my body can withstand the combined effects of genetics, environment, time and the choices I make. I need to be more vigilant about what I put into my body and how I treat it. Second, I am saying goodbye to stress. It turns out that stress can trigger the initial onset, flare-up or recurrence of this condition. I need to reduce my exposure to stressful situations and learn techniques to deal with it, or stress could, literally, kill me.
According to the bean counters at the insurance companies, I'll always be sick. And whether I go into remission or not, it will always be inside me. But I can still live like "healthy me". Who knows, after saying goodbye to some of my bad habits, I might even end up being healthier than when I was diagnosed!
This week's Sunday Scribblings theme is Goodbye. For more goodbyes, click here.
12 comments:
I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this, but it sounds like you're handling it all proactively. And particularly where one's health is concerned, it's so important that we pay attention and insure we get the care we need - no matter what obstacles insurance providers may devise. And as you said, perhaps this attention to your health will improve it! A very timely and well-written post! Wishing you improved health...
maybe it's not totlly saying goodbye to the healthy you...just saying hello to a new healthy you. Like what you said, with the new healthy habits - you'll be just fine...even better.
I know, in part, how you feel. We seem to be changed forever with our experiences. I am now a mother, but with no baby. I'll always have that to explain, to come up in random situations, to carry in my heart.
Good luck to you. Take care.
I think goodbyes are a constant in our lives- but maybe they just make room for even more hello's!
Although your health has changed, look how proactive you are now and what a wonderful example you are for your children and your loved ones!
I believe that when it comes to your health, nothing is ever hopeless. Your body is very wise and has everything it needs to heal itself... and it looks like you are on the right track. All the best to you, Bongga Mom...
Sorry to hear about this. I am glad though that you are looking at your condition from a positive angle. Best wishes and be strong, 101...
You need to be very strong for yourself. I feel bad but it is so worthy that you are positive about the whole thing.
gautami
Finally....
You are starting out with such a positive attitude here, it will surely stand you in good stead. I wish you well in every way.
:(
That sucks.
But your attitude is fantastic.
You make sure you look after yourself, we need some more interesting posts from you :)
at least 60 years worth!
Thank you for sharing this post with us. It's hard to even THINK about health problems, let alone have to confirm that something has actually taken hold. You have an amazing attitude and this will take you and your family far and give you all comfort. My thoughts are with you. Stay strong!!
What a great attitude about illness! It doesn't sound as though you are saying goodbye to a healthy you so much as you are including all of the new treatments (and I don't belittle the discomfort--I am so sorry you need to go through this) into your new definition of what it takes to be a healthy you.
I'm so sorry to hear this. Maybe it's goodbye to a certain chapter of your life. On to the next, as many more will follow. Take care!
Hugs, Sophie
I agree with Liza - this may be a hello to a newer healthier you.
Sending healing vibes your way.
Be well.
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