A Beautiful Mind can also be a Dirty Mind

I love Jammy's teacher. She is a warm nurturing soul who realizes that kindergarten can be stressful and scary, full of unrealistic expectations -- unless a teacher is willing and able to provide lots of reassurance and praise. For the parents, that is.

Last week she was bursting to tell me about the Really Great Thing Jammy had done in class. Apparently, the class had recently completed an activity where they had to sort out all the animals in the Chinese zodiac (rat, ox, tiger, horse, rooster, monkey, dog, pig, rabbit, dragon, snake, goat) into two groups. Each kid could use any criteria they wanted to define the groups. All the other kids used the kind of criteria that you'd expect from 5 and 6 year olds: Big/Small, Feathers/No feathers, Two feet/Four feet, that sort of thing.

Jammy's sorting criteria?
1) Poops fertilizer
2) Does not poop fertilizer

And this is why I love Jammy's teacher. She must have known that Alfie and I would immediately be impressed by the awesome lateral thinking displayed by our son, leaving us convinced that the workings of his mind go far beyond any normal boy (I didn't even realize he knew what fertilizer was!). I'm sure she has a story like that for every parent in her class, but we lapped up the proof of his brilliance just the same. It's not like we've been worried that he'd fail kindergarten or anything, but given that his older sister entered kindergarten already reading at the second grade level while he's still struggling to sound out consonant blends, her little anecdote was a great reminder that everyone's mind works in different ways and everyone is good at something. Thanks, Mrs. D, for telling us that lovely story, and in effect, telling us Your son is doing great. He'll be just fine.

Worst Movies of 2009 (that, *shhhhh!*, I enjoyed)

For every "Best of" list, you can bet there's going to be a "Worst of" counterpart. For instance, right on the heels of this year's Oscar nomination list comes the Golden Raspberry Foundation's Razzie award list, with nominations for worst actress, worst actor, worst picture and so on. I agree that some of those movies should never have seen the light of day -- Land of the Lost, get lost! -- but one man's meat is another man's poison, and there are many times when critics and I don't see eye to eye. I have to admit I've watched and enjoyed more than a few movies that have made it onto one or more "Worst of 2009" lists floating around in cyberspace. Here are five of them:


1) Angels and Demons
The Da Vinci Code was one of those books that I just couldn't put down (as in, I read it in the shower with one arm outstretched, holding the book, and the other arm awkwardly soaping my body), and I enjoyed everything they were able to cram into the movie. I yearned to immerse myself in more of Professor Langdon's adventures, so how could I not watch Angels and Demons? True, all that rushing around the Eternal City looking for clues, trying to prevent murders felt like a rehash of the original movie, but I pretended the first movie had never happened (and strictly speaking, it never had, since Angels and Demons is actually a prequel to the Da Vinci Code), so I still managed to enjoy all the thrills and chills.


2) Marley and Me
I'm not a dog lover, I don't think fart jokes are funny, I think Jennifer Aniston movies are silly, and I can't look at Owen Wilson's nose without wincing and wondering why he doesn't get it fixed. So why in the world did I find myself glued to my seat, unable even to go to the bathroom? When Marley, the main characters' big, dumb, stinky, loyal, lovable dog, finally kicked the bucket after 15 years of living with them, I wept like he was my own kids' dog (and we don't even have a dog).


3) The Ugly Truth
Critics trashed this movie because they say it's nothing but a string of romantic cliches, but I say that's what makes it so much fun to watch. Independent feminist who secretly just wants a man? Cynical, misogynist ladies man finally falling for the one woman who won't have him? Mutual hatred masking mutual attraction? A couple falling in love without even having sex first? It's like the Mills and Boon romances I swooned over when I was a teenager! I wasn't looking for anything too serious anyway, so I really enjoyed reliving my girlish notions of love and cheering when the boy got the girl. In fact, the only thing I didn't enjoy was Scottish Gerard Butler faking an American accent.


4) Whatever Works
I was completely shocked to see that Yahoo critics gave this movie a C+. I suppose it's because no one in the audience could stand the main character, a bad-tempered, self-centered, social misfit named Boris Yellnikoff who makes Oscar the Grouch look sweet. He's constantly complaining about having to share the same universe with a bunch of idiots (i.e. the rest of humanity) and insulting everyone he comes in contact with, yet somehow he ends up happy and fulfilled, with all his old friends, a bunch of new ones and a girlfriend to boot. I loved watching Larry David star as Boris -- this role is almost identical to the one he plays on his TV series, Curb Your Enthusiasm, which always leaves Alfie and me in stitches. Maybe the real reason people don't like it is that the insights into human character sometimes hit a little too close to home -- come on, admit it, aren't there times that you feel just like Boris, except you're just too scared/diplomatic/socially conditioned to admit it?


5) Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen
Transformers 2 actually leads this year's Razzie contenders, with 7 nominations, but it was also a huge moneymaker so someone must have enjoyed it. I'm siding with the majority and thumbing my nose up at the critics. Yes, they put in every kind of action scene imaginable. Yes, the whole thing was absurd. But how is Transformers 2 any more absurd than, say, Sandra Bullock's breakout movie, 1994's Speed? At least in Transformers 2 it's pretty clear that we're in fantasy land. Anyway, it's not about the storyline anyway, it's about the eye candy. Stick to enjoying the eye candy -- both robotic (love, love, love that sound the Transformers make when they transform!) and human (I'm not a teenage male but even I think Megan Fox is hot) -- and you'll have a grand time with this movie!


Okay, maybe these movies won't win any Oscars. Truthfully, I knew that even while I was enjoying them. I guess I'm pretty forgiving when it comes to movies; it's rare that I find a movie so bad that I will walk out of a movie theatre right in the middle of it. But anyone can make the best out of a bad movie -- just suspend disbelief and lower your expectations. The babysitter is paid for, there's a perfectly good bucket of popcorn on my lap, so why not make an effort? At the very least, you can have fun trashing the movie while you watch it.

Average

When I visit a scenic place like the Philippines' Boracay Island, I often wonder how the people who live here can take it. Do they ever get tired of looking around them? Do they drink in their surroundings the way visitors do?



I wonder if they realize you can probably count on one hand the number of places in the world where the sea is this kind of crystal blue. Or that you won't find sand this white or this powdery-fine anywhere.



Do they know that what is just an average sunset for them is an experience that inspires other people to write sonnets and paint pictures? Do they know that people pay a lot of money just to see it?

Do they know how lucky they are to live in a place filled with so much beauty? Perhaps living with it every day dulls their appreciation. Or more likely, in a country where over half the population lives on an average of $2 per day, the harsh realities of everyday life, filled with poverty and hardship, saps their strength and fills their attention until there's no time left to appreciate what's around them.

So I get why women wake up at dawn to pick Boracay's white sand beach bare of seashells, or send their men to hack off a piece of coral off Boracay's coast. And I get why a villager in Kenya would agree to work for a poacher and help him trap elephants, or why a farmer in Brazil decides to slash and burn sections of the Amazon rainforest. Because whether he appreciates the beauty of the things he is destroying or not, he appreciates the survival of his family even more. I don't condone it, but I get it.

If we in the developed world stopped collecting ivory jewelry or rare seashells, or if we were less dependent on livestock that required large areas of open (and around the Amazon, deforested) cattle, maybe the poachers and exporters and importers would have to find some other way to make money. And they'd stop recruiting poor people to do their dirty work. And if the developed world could help these people develop some other, sustainable kind of livelihood, they wouldn't have to choose between feeding their family and destroying the environment. Until then, they'll just have to go about the business of staying alive, without any regard to their surroundings, without stopping to smell the roses or see the sunsets.


Feel free to leave links to your own Photo Hunt entries below. And for more averages, click here.

Getting Dressed

Over the years I've gotten used to the surprised looks I get when people realize that my kids are mine (i.e., Oh, they're calling her mama, she isn't the nanny!). For the longest time I've blamed it on Alfie's Caucasian genes , but nowadays everyone tells me The Pea looks just like me, only fairer (and the boys have my coloring anyway). Since that excuse doesn't work so well anymore, I'm looking for another one : maybe it's because my kids are usually much better dressed than I am.

This morning, Jammy's teacher told me she saw his jacket hanging on a hook outside the classroom yesterday. It wasn't there anymore, and I panicked. I love that jacket; it's an aviator jacket with a sherpa collar and cuffs, distressed leather and tons of cool patches scattered all over. It's one of the few identical things that 3Po and Jammy are willing to wear at the same time, and if one gets lost there goes the twin look. Besides, I paid a lot for that jacket (okay, I got it on sale but it was still a splurge)!

I rushed over to the lost and found and breathed a sigh of relief when I found it. Not a big deal after all, but afterwards I got to thinking about how nice that jacket was. And how I don't have a jacket as nice as that. My winter coat is a fake sherpa coat that I got from Old Navy for about $20. It's thick and fleecy and comfy, but I have a sneaking suspicion it makes me look a bit dumpy. I do have some decent clothes, but when I'm racing around in the morning I usually just pull on some yoga pants and a shirt (sometimes straight from the bottom of the laundry basket because I couldn't be bothered to fold it and put it away), hoping the outfit will inspire me to work out and figuring no one is going to care what I look like.

Maybe I've been living in casual California for too long. When we were in Manila it really hit me how nicely everyone dressed, and I.. well, I wore my usual tees and yoga pants or jeans. Women wore leggings and skirts and dresses. There wasn't a single sweatpant or oversized tshirt to be seen. Sure, people wore jeans and tees, but the jeans were nicely pressed and the tees were fitted. People wore accessories like bracelets and earrings and pendants. I don't mean that everyone wore expensive clothing, but most people obviously took the time and effort to look decent. Even people who didn't look like they had much money went around the shopping malls in stylish flip-flops, while I stomped around looking like a clown in my scruffy Mary Jane Crocs.

Whatever the reason, I know this is something I need to work on. Saying that people don't care what I look like is no excuse. I know Alfie cares what I look like. I know my kids do too (I love it when they look at me and exclaim, delightedly, "Mama, you look nice!"). And deep down, I think people do care what other people look like. Not on a personal level, but I think people do form opinions about other people based on how they present themselves. If two candidates present themselves at a job interview, all else being equal, who is going to make the more favorable impression: the one dressed smartly and professionally, or the one in a wrinkled suit? Why else to seasoned travelers advise people to dress nicely if they're hoping to get upgraded on their next flight? Besides, I feel more confident when I dress nicely, which affects how I deal with other people and how they deal with me.

Two Boys, Two Birthdays, Two Parties

There have been times when I've felt really guilty about making 3Po and Jammy share practically everything. They share clothes, closet space, toys, time with mom and dad, even birthday parties. I suppose I could throw separate parties for each of them (and one of these years I swear I will) but they always want the same kind of party and invite the same people. So I guess laziness practicality wins, and I always end up throwing one party instead of two.

This year was different, because we were in the Philippines on their actual birthday. On the 30th they were having a grand old time riding the rapids and rafting under waterfalls in Pagsanjan and celebrating with their cousins with a Filipino-fried chicken lunch. That night they blew out the candles on the yummiest chocolate birthday cakes ever. But they also wanted to invite their friends to a party, so this weekend we invited a few of their friends for a late birthday celebration. They're really into Bakugan right now, so we decided to have a Bakugan-themed birthday party. Here's how we did it:


Invitations
We were lucky to get Bakugan-themed invites at Toys'R'Us on clearance. In addition, I created a custom Evite with a Bakugan image in the background.


Decor

Did you know that Costco prints out 12x18 photos for only $2.99? I downloaded some wallpapers from the Bakugan website and created birthday posters for 3Po and Jammy (they each chose their own design and I added the words "Happy Birthday 3Po" and "Happy Birthday Jammy"). I hung up a Bakugan playmat that we had given to Jammy as a birthday present and festooned the rest of the house with red, black and yellow streamers, and that was it. With those colors, the house did remind me of the German flag, but the kids loved the festive atmosphere.

Activities

I baked round sugar cookies and pre-frosted them in Bakugan colors so the kids could decorate them like Bakugans as a craft activity (okay, they looked nothing like Bakugans but the kids had fun anyway). I also bought sippy cups with paper inserts (from Oriental Trading) that the kids could color and personalize, and to go with the Bakugan theme I created custom Bakugan inserts for them to color.

Games

I didn't think it would be a good idea to play the actual Bakugan game at the party (for one thing, I don't really know how to play it, and for another, not all the kids own Bakugans and I wasn't about to buy each kid the 3 Bakugans each that are needed to play the game!). So we took down 3Po's Hotwheels downhill racing track and let the Bakugans race/roll down the track instead. We held a knockout championship, complete with a match chart, and the game was a huge hit!




The boys and their guests probably would have been happy to keep on racing their Bakugans for the next hour, but I run a tight ship, and I had three other games planned: Pin the Bakugan on the Hand (the Bakugan-themed version of Pin the Tail on the Donkey, with another $2.99 Costco Bakugan photo enlargement and some printed Bakugan ball stickers), Pass the Bakugan (like Pass the Parcel but the kids passed a plastic ball that I told them to pretend was a Bakugan) and Pabitin, a traditional Filipino party game that has the kids jumping up to grab prizes that are tied to a wooden frame.





Food
I thought of taking the Bakugan theme one step further by serving meatballs, but reluctantly admitted that most kids probably wouldn't eat them, so I went with the old standby: cheese pizza. Again, God bless Toys'R'Us for putting all their Bakugan partyware on clearance at just the time we held the party; I was able to get Bakugan-themed plates and tablecloth for a fraction of their usual cost.




Dessert, of course, was ice cream cake that I got at safeway. We stuck lollipops and gumballs on them (again, I thought of piping Bakugan designs with royal icing on each of the lollipops and gumballs -- that's what watching too many episodes of Ace of Cakes and the Food Network Birthday Cake Challenge does to you -- but abandoned the idea) and put a little Bakugan plastic figurine in the center. For once, 3Po and Jammy had their own cakes, and their smiles lit up the whole room.





Party Favors
I gave each kid a lollipop, a cookie, a set of stickers (I created custom name stickers for each guest and printed them out on mailing labels) and some random cheap toy favors that I had bought for one of their past parties and never got around to using. Each kid also got to take home the Bakugan they had been racing with (since there were only 6 guests, I thought I'd "splurge" a little!)


I think everyone enjoyed the party, and although the house was overrun by eight excited boys (the entire party was held inside our tiny home), I didn't feel too stressed out before or during the party.

So 3Po and Jammy managed to get two birthday celebrations after all, even though one was a month late. Well, better late than never!

How do YOU use technology in your daily parenting?

If you've been following my @bonggamom or @bonggafinds tweets for the past couple of months, I'm sure you've noticed a fair number of them contain the #momspotting hashtag. For those who don't know what that is, I’ve been participating in BlogHer’s Family Connections citizen journalism project as a Momspotter. Basically that means I tweet a few times a day with the #momspotting hashtag about how I use technology in my day-to-day parenting life.

This week a bunch of Momspotters are participating in a fun meme about digital parenting. Feel free to laugh at my lame answers and leave a comment on this post -- I promise I'll drop by your blog sometime this week to thank you for spreading the commenting love. Even better, join the meme and share with everyone how technology affects your parenting style! Leave a link to your post on the Mr. Linky below, or in the comments section, and I'll visit your meme post sometime this week and leave a comment.

(By the way, if you leave a comment on this post or do the meme on your own blog, you'll be eligible for an extra entry in my Chocolate Cheerios giveaway! Head on over to the giveaway post to see what you could win!)


1. Which expensive electronic device do you most often let your older children abuse or your baby drool on?
Our Bose cd player. Which is why it has been broken for about 6 months now.


2. How many take-out restaurant numbers do you have programmed into your phone?
We don't do take-out. If I'm going to be spared the cooking then I want to be spared the cleaning up and the washing up as well!


3. How many hours of television do you so totally not let your kids watch a week?
Technically each kid is supposed to be allowed 1 hour of screen time a day, which includes video game time, computer time and tv time. But on weekends or days that I'm totally engrossed in blogging........


4. Do you think people who say “we don’t watch television” at playdates but really mean “we just watch DVDs” are lying liars from Liarville?
Yes, and Alfie and I are the mayor and vice-mayor of that lovely little town.


5. How many miles have you driven with your child and not one device of electronic entertainment in a single car trip?
Usually our rule of thumb is that you should be able to entertain yourself by listening to Kidz Bop or staring out the window or hitting an adjacent sibling on trips shorter than 20 miles or so. But remember, we are the mayor and vice-mayor of Liarville so that 20 miles maaaaaay occasionally lose a zero.


6. What’s your record for calls to the pediatrician or Ask-a-Nurse in a single day?
I think it must have been about 3 in a single night -- that was when The Pea was about a week old and she spat up blood after a feeding. We were new, sleep-deprived parents and it didn't occur to us that the blood was probably from me (newborn learning to breastfeed, nipples unaccustomed to breastfeeding, you get the picture).


7. What’s the sexiest thing your husband/partner could text you after a hard day?
If Alfie ever texted me that he'd had a "hard day", that term alone would provide fodder for many, many naughty texts.


8. What’s your favorite iPad joke?
Aunt Flo will be so happy!


9. What’s the dumbest parenting tool, gear, gadget or device you ever bought?
The Pee-pee Teepee. What is that, you may ask? Read my post about it here....

10. How many years will it take for your child to become more tech-savvy than you?
Not long, which is why we're limiting their screen time!






Disclaimer: I have not been compensated for this particular post but I do receive compensation for my participation in BlogHer's Family Connections project. Although I have offered extra entries in my Chocolate Cheerios giveaway as an incentive to join this meme, BlogHer and Sprint (sponsors of the Family Connections project) are in no way affiliated with that giveaway or with the giveaway sponsors (General Mills and MyBlogSpark).

3Po's Guide to Etiquette

Alfie: Now, 3Po, you've got guests coming to your home today, and you are the host. We want to make sure our guests have a good time and go home happy -- so what is the first rule of how a host must treat his guests?

3Po: Dont Kill Them.

Photo Hunt: Spotted

On our recent trip to Punta Fuego beach, The Pea spotted this hermit crab scuttling across the sand. I'm not sure how she managed to do it; the sand was fairly coarse and strewn with shells, whole and broken, and the crab was about as big as her fingernail. The shell it lived in was perfectly patterned to blend in with its surroundings so it was really a wonder that The Pea was able to see it.

It only took a second for The Pea to became the crab's sworn protector and built a sand fortress around it, standing guard against predators like birds and curious little brothers. They, of course, kept trying to pick the shell up to see the hermit crab more closely, only to have The Pea swoop down on them, shrieking, "Leave him alone! You'll drop him! He's scared! How would you feel if a giant picked you up and poked you?!" She doubled the size of her protective sand wall; eventually 3Po and Jammy decided to help, and grew more interested in the fortress than in the crab.

Once he realized he was no longer the focus of attention, the little hermit crab quickly burrowed back into the sand. The Pea mourned the loss of her impromptu pet, but acknowledged that he was better off free, as all wild things should be.


Feel free to leave links to your own Photo Hunt entries below. And for more spotted things, click here.

My love affair with pearls

Diamonds may be a Girl's Best Friend, but as far as I'm concerned they'll have to share BFF status with pearls. Forget the old saying; the only kinds of tears I would cry because of pearls would be tears of joy (Besides, the dampness would just ruin the pearls' luster, which is kind of weird because pearls come from the sea). Just like diamonds, I love their elegant simplicity, and how they go with anything. Just like the diamond, it amazes me how something so beautiful and precious started out as a humble substance (sand in the case of the pearl, carbon for the diamond) that people wouldn't hesitate to sweep from their porches.

I've always loved pearls, ever since I was a little girl. Their perfect symmetry fascinated me, their luster seemed like a crystal ball with mysterious lights swirling inside. I didn't know about cultured pearls back then, so perfectly round pearls seemed like the rarest things ever. How in the world did the oyster get it so perfect? How difficult it seemed to collect enough pearls for just one necklace! Other little girls dreamed of being able to wear high heels and nail polish when they grew up, but I wanted to wear a pearl necklace. I loved it when my mother would go out to parties and take out her strand of Mikimoto pearls to wear. They looked so elegant draped around her neck. My dad got them for her on their honeymoon in Tokyo; years later, when I got married, my parents gave me a Mikimoto pearl necklace and bracelet as a wedding present.

There are only two things wrong with pearls, and the first is their price. Unless we win the lottery, that set my parents gave me is likely to be the only expensive set of pearls I own. Fortunately, in the last decade a huge South Sea pearl industry has sprung up in the Philippines. Traders from Mindanao sell huge quantities of South Sea Pearls and freshwater pearls at unbelievable prices. They cost less than costume jewelry in the States -- but here, the pearls are real. The cheaper varieties use pearls that aren't symmetrical, but they're beautiful just the same.


Here's a photo of my sister at one of the pearl stalls at a flea market near my parents house in Manila. The vendors will customize any necklace according to your specifications. One of my sister's co-workers sent her a hundred British pounds to buy whatever pearl jewelry she could find; my sister returned to London with a classic single-strand choker, a double-strand necklace, a longer, flapper-style single strand necklace, a couple of double and triple-strand bracelets, and several pairs of earrings. All of them were custom made with large, round South Sea pearls; I don't think anyone other than an expert jeweler would be able to tell that some of the pearls weren't perfectly round. My mother bought cute pearl necklaces for all her granddaughters (The Pea received hers and promptly declared, "I have pearls! I'm rich!". Yes you are, honey, even if that strand cost only $2.50).

(photo courtesy of Fine Living)


The second "problem" with pearls is that they tend to send out a grandmotherly vibe. Personally I think it's hogwash -- Coco Chanel, for instance, would recoil in horror at the thought of being considered grandmotherly! -- but I'll admit the classic pearls-and-twinset look isn't exactly edgy. Single strand pearl necklaces look nice on kids and the elderly, but they're not the kind of jewelry you wear if you want your man to tear your clothes off (Except with Tea Leoni. For some reason any kind of pearls and Tea Leoni just go together, and she still manages to look hot wearing them. I guess it's because she looks hot no matter what she wears).

So I never wear single-strand pearls (okay, I've worn them once or twice, but they were to family events with parents and grand-aunts and grandparents in attendance). Most of my pearl jewelry has other elements or accents, like silver beads or ribbons or other gems. I love the look of a pearl pendant on a black leather string! I also the sumptuous look of pearls piled upon pearls. I think Michelle Obama looks absolutely fabulous in the photo above, and I love how she's revived interest in pearls and other classic fashions by giving them a modern twist and making them her own. Michelle certainly ain't no-one's grandmamma, and with the right attitude and style I think pearls only add to a woman's sex appeal, not take away from it!



This post was inspired by Coco Chanel, her love for pearls and the latest book about her vivid, passionate life: Coco Chanel & Igor Stravinsky by Chris Greenlaugh, the topic of this month's Silicon Valley Mom's Blog Book Club. Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of the book to read.

Ten Things I always keep in my car

I admit it, I'm a Minivan Mom. I live in suburbia and I drive everywhere, even to a friend's house three blocks away (hey, it's raining and I'm late....). What with the grocery runs and the ballet carpools and the dropoffs to soccer and basketball and skating and everything in between, sometimes I feel like I live in my minivan. Just like my real home, there's never enough space in it for all the things I want to keep in it, but there are certain things that I am willing to allot precious cargo space for. Here are ten things I try to make sure are safely in the van before I get into the driver's seat and buckle up:


10) Extra carseat
I started carrying an extra carseat in the back of my van when The Pea entered kindergarten -- when she started going on playdates and I started driving carpools for field trips. I figured it was worth investing $19.99 to be able to dispense with the hassle of arranging carseat dropoffs and pickups with other parents. Now that I have 3 kids in school, at pickup time there's always the chance that at least one of them will want to invite a friend over on an impromptu playdate. With that extra carseat in the back I get to be the cool mom and tell the friend's mother, "Sure, Billy can come home with us! I've got an extra carseat in the van so it's no problem".


9) Sunblock
Living as we do in sunny California, we take sun protection seriously. When we know we're going to outdoors for any length of time, we're pretty anal about slathering sunblock on our kids' faces, arms and legs before we even head out the door. But there are times when we're coming home from lunch at a restaurant and we decide on a whim to stop by the local playground on the way home. Or sometimes the indoor museum we're in turns out to have a pretty cool outdoor area. Or sometimes we're in a hurry and we forget. So it's nice to have a can of sunblock spray for the body and a tube of sunblock for the face (see, you never even have to get your hands all sticky). I just hope that leaving it in my closed, hot van doesn't cut the SPF level down to 2, or make the spray can explode.


8) Hats
Like I said, we're anal about the sun thing. But hats are also an easy, effective and stylish way to keep heads warm on cold, windy days (Alfie tells me that's one thing he's learned quickly now that there isn't much much hair left on his head).


7) Emergency gear
We've got enough emergency supplies in the van to prepare us in case our car battery dies (emergency jump starter), a natural disaster strikes (disaster relief kit), a snake sinks its fangs into one of our ankles, (first aid kit), a car windows shatters (the first aid kit has masking tape, and yes, this actually did happen to us once on our annual trip to Lake Tahoe), I accidentally eat shellfish (I put extra Benadryl in the first aid kit) or we get into a really, really bad traffic jam (and double-extra Tylenol).

Come to think of it, even though we have all the equipment to treat snake bites I'd still have to read the instructions on how to use it (giving the venom enough time to spread through the victim's arm and make it fall off or something). I don't know how to use the jump starter, either. And even if I did manage to figure it out there probably won't be enough power in it to jumpstart my dead cellphone, because you're supposed to charge the thing overnight every 3 months or so, and we charge it once a year, before the Tahoe trip. But illogically, it still makes me feel more secure having it there -- and if I'm not quite as prepared as I like to think, at least this stuff gives me peace of mind.

6) Diapers
Diapers really ought to fall under the "emergency gear" category, because even though my kids have been potty trained for years, there are still times when they hold it in until they're about to explode -- and full bladder plus no bathroom equals emergency. There are places in this world with no trees or bushes to hide you, and there are no empty bottles to pee into, and you'd be surprised at how much liquid a size 5 diaper can hold.


5) Extra clothes
There are times when my kids are freezing and need an extra layer of clothing. And there are times when they find themselves wet or muddy or dirty, for some reason or another (like cutting it so close that there isn't time to fish out that size 5 diaper). Rather than let them into my nice, clean van or have to give up my own coat to keep them warm (why should I go cold when I told them and told them it was fifty degrees out yet they insisted on wearing shorts?), I just keep a permanent stash of extra clothes in the back.


4) Phone charger
I can never remember to charge my phone at night, so I frequently run around during the day with a dead cellphone in my purse. My car charger is my cell phone's primary source of power; without it "What good is having a cellphone if it's always dead?".


3) Food
If I had my way I'd drive to the nearest Krispy Kreme or In-N-Out Burger every time my kids needed a snack, but because of those inconveniencies like cholesterol levels, fat and sugar content, I bow to the fact that they need healthy snacks. I like having a small stash of food in the car just in case I forget to bring snacks, or the snacks I've brought aren't enough, and no, I don't want to rely on the eat the month-old goldfish crackers wedged in the back seat. I have a feeling we'll need those for real emergencies -- no way my kids are going to eat that dried-up nutritional brick in our disaster relief kit.


2) Entertainment
I'm so happy I no longer have to carry around a basket filled with stuffed animals and duplicate lovie blankets and books and Happy Meal Toys. My kids are old enough to choose their own toys to amuse themselves on long car trips and bring them back into the house after our journey is over -- or suffer the consequences of boredom should they forget. But I do keep a notebook in the seat pocket and some colored pencils in one of the side compartments, and our center console is stuffed with assorted dvd's. Anyway, watching movies on car trips doesn't really count as tv time since it's more like a parental sanity-saving tool... right?


1) Baby wipes
I will leave the house on an empty gas tank before I leave without baby wipes, which in my opinion are God's Gift to Parents (after the babies themselves). I use baby wipes to clean everything, not just dirty bottoms and sticky hands. I use them to wipe the seats that the sticky little hands have touched before being wiped. I use them to mop up juice that has spilled on the floor. I use them to wipe off scuff marks from the floor and the backs of seats. I even use them to wipe birdshit off the windshield and the sides of the car. We park under a tree that hosts all the squirrels and birds in the neighborhood, and I don't have the time or the money to take my van to the carwash twice a week, so if it weren't for my baby wipe carwashes I'd be driving around looking like a tramp.



As you can see, that's a lot of stuff. But it's not so bad -- most of it fits in a large plastic bin that lives permanently in the back cargo area. And having these things around certainly makes mobile life more liveable. All I need now is a portable shower and I could really get comfy. Hang on, I've got an extra-large pack of baby wipes; who needs a shower?