How we are spending spring break

Spring break is approaching, and many families have travel plans looming. Whether you're headed for the beach, a national park, a theme park, the city, or the countryside, you're probably really excited for what's in store.

Candy, anyone?

We are up to our ears in Halloween candy.  Literally.  Last week our school had a Halloween Candy for Troops donation drive, and guess who coordinated it?  Yup, yours truly.  It seems that not only did everyone's little ghouls and goblins collect far more candy than they were allowed to eat, people also bought far more candy than they could give away.  We received giant bags of candy that hadn't even been opened!  If I had a phone booth, I could fill it from bottom to top with candy.

How to fail at Valentine's Day class valentines

Last year, I scored big points with 3Po and Jammy by making awesome homemade Valentine's Day cards for their classmates.  They received lots of compliments on their Rocky Road Valentines and Yoda Valentines, and I quietly smugly added another notch to my Awesome Mom Cap.  I even took the time to take pretty photos and post instructions and downloadable printables (adding another notch to my Awesome Blogger Cap).

How to take a decent passport photo

Makeup: $0 (30 minutes)

Blowout at Drybar:  $35 (1 hour)

Instant passport photos at Walgreens or CVS:  $12 for 2 (5 minutes)

How NOT to make cupcakes

These beauties are not the subject of this post.   They're made by the best cupcakery in the Bay Area, Sibby's.

I spend a lot of time on this blog telling readers how to do things:  how to paint a kitchen, how to throw a fun party, how to make hummus, how to decorate for the holidays.  Lots of my posts contain instructions on how to do this and do that.   But sometimes telling someone what not to do can be just as important as telling them what to do.  With that in mind, I've written down a list of Don'ts that I came up with after a particularly disastrous cupcake baking experience.  Read and learn, people, read and learn.......

Making a splash at the first pool party of the summer

One of my favorite childhood stories is about seeing my grandmother jump into a swimming pool with all her clothes on.  It was my 7th or 8th birthday, and all the kids in the pool were too busy playing games to notice that my baby brother (he must have been 2 or 3) had slipped from his swim ring and into the bottom of the pool.  All of a sudden I saw my grandmother, in all her 60+ matronly glory, complete with heels and spanish fan, jump in and splash her way to my brother.

Now my kids will have a similar story to tell their children about me -- except my story isn't quite as noble.

3Po aces our Fire Drill

A couple of months ago I bought two fire extinguishers for the house: the first, to replace the 10 year-old extinguisher for the first floor, and the second, for the second floor, which has never had a fire extinguisher until now.  Alfie showed everyone where he installed both fire extinguishers, but when he quizzed us about it a month later, our fire safety savvy was sadly lacking.  None of us could remember where they were!  3Po, however, showed us that whatever his lack of fire safety savvy, he had other kinds of savvy:

Drunken College Students, cavewomen and 40 other things I saw at Bay to Breakers

It seems like people who turn forty always want to prove that they're no older or more decrepit than they were at 39 -- in fact they want to prove to the world that they're fitter, hotter, wilder, than they were the year before.  I guess I'm no exception, because I signed up for the 2012 Bay to Breakers determined to improve on last year's finish time.  But as always, I slacked off on training in the months leading up to the race and decided to walk the race instead -- and as always, ended up running it anyway.  The good news is that I managed to shave off a couple of minutes from my finish time  (1:18:51, down from 1:21:31 last year), even though I literally stopped dead in my tracks for 2 or 3 minutes to primp and groom myself before the race photographers started taking photos (I needed proof that that I was fitter and hotter than last year).

To Run or Not to Run: Bay to Breakers 2007

Bonggamom's note:  This is an old post I wrote for Silicon Valley Moms in 2007.  I'm reposting it here to celebrate Bay to Breaker's 101st race.

I survived Sunday's Bay to Breakers race. Even more amazing, I ran and survived it. Despite various medical setbacks and general laziness, I managed to get my body back into shape for the 7.46 mile run. But was it worth it? Today my body is aching, my toenails are falling off..... why did I bother to push myself? There's something to be said for hanging out near the back of the pack and walking it like I did last year. For anyone thinking of doing it next year, here's my post-race analysis of the pros and cons of walking versus running:

All about mothers, according to 8 year-olds

No one knows mothers like their children, and no one can articulate just what makes moms great, quite like an eight year-old can.  For Mother's Day, Jammy's teacher asked everyone in class a set of questions about their moms, and compiled the best answers.  Their responses are some of the most candid, witty and touching I've ever had the privilege of reading, and I had to share them with everyone.  Don't be surprised if you see yourself in their answers below -- yes, you are allowed to smile!

How I rescued The Pea's Cupcakes, or How I turned a Bad Morning into a Good Blog Post

I knew it was going to be a bad day as soon as one of the kids entered our bedroom and tattled on a sibling that had spilled milk all over the kitchen. Having to go downstairs to make sure everything was wiped up properly is not the way I want to be woken up. I warned my kids they'd better be on their best behavior from now on, as this was sure to keep me crabbers for the rest of the day.

Sometimes funny photos aren't so funny

I was going to write a short post poking fun at this sign -- I mean, come on! Do you really need to say that your bakery is Sanitary? Isn't that, like, a prerequisite rather than a selling point? -- but as it turns out, the story behind the photo is funnier. In an I'm So Stupid kind of way. Because in my rush to park the car and take this photo, I totally forgot to check the parking meter to see whether parking was free on Saturdays.

It wasn't.

Taken to the Cleaners

I've heard of 24-hour cleaners and eco-friendly cleaners, but psychic cleaners? I actually made a U-turn so I could get a closer look at this sign. Did they know when their clients would be coming around? What sort of mystical powers did they use to clean shirts? Or was this a not-so-subtle way for a so-called psychic to let her clients know she was faking her palm-reading, i.e. taking them to the cleaners? What a deliciously intriguing sign!

How to have the perfect Ski Week

Last week the stars aligned and gave us pretty-darn-near-perfect weather for a family ski vacation. After months and months with not a snowflake in sight, the Tahoe skies finally produced some snow -- but obligingly stopped the morning that we left, so we could drive up without any traffic delays, and enjoy soft powder and sunny skies.

Toilet humor

Yesterday I dropped the van off for a smog check and decided to take a walk to the local shopping center to pass the time. On the way, I passed a small motel and happened to look up, only to be greeted with one of the strangest sights ever.

Yes, those are toilets on the balcony.

Big Spender

Jammy: Mama, why won't you let us spend our money to buy the toys we want?

Me: Because the toys you want are pretty expensive! You just bought yourselves some Webkinz stuffies last month, and now you want to buy a Star Wars Lego set?

Jammy: But I can afford it, it only costs $10.

Me: I know, but then you won't have much money left. Why don't you wait and save up? Getting an allowance doesn't mean you have to spend all of it. You can spend some of your money, but you should also save some of it and set aside a bit for charity, you know, to give to the poor.

Jammy: But mama, you only give me a dollar per month! I AM the poor!

A bit too much detail, don't you think?

You know those floor plans/directories they have at malls and airports and big buildings to show you where everything is? You expect them to have signs and symbols to show you where to find emergency exits, elevators, and restrooms -- but this is the first diagram I've seen posted up in a public area (Napa's Oxbow Public Market) that actually shows you where to find things inside the restroom. For the record, the layout and number of stalls and washbasins is actually incorrect (both men's and women's -- I asked Alfie to check), so don't rely on this diagram to navigate your way around the restroom!

When the dead come to life

I love it when someone says something that is totally funny, but is so serious about it that he doesn't even realize what he said. This latest gem comes courtesy of my dad. We were driving along the highway when I spotted a sign for free cremation....

Me: Wow, free cremation! That's a great way to spare your family the expense of a burial. But thee billboard also said something about donating your body to science, so I guess the medical schools around here need cadavers for students and research, so they use your body for anatomy classes and cremate it afterwards.

Dad: Yes, that's right! They're so short of cadavers these days. When I was a med student, our class had 40 cadavers! That's just 4 students to a cadaver, which is pretty rare today.

Me: So what do med students do now?

Dad: Oh, many schools use plastic cadavers. They're really great. It's so much easier to identify veins and other parts of the anatomy with these plastic cadavers. They're so lifelike!

Is anybody left out there?

Remember Harold Camping? He predicted the end of the world would come on May 21, 2011. Obviously, it didn't happen. So Harold Camping backtracked and said what he meant was, the spiritual end of the world happened on May 21. The real, true, pinky-swear end end of the world would happen on October 21, 2011.

Just so you know, I scheduled this post in advance. I scheduled it to post at 1 minute past midnight on October 22, 2011. I wanted to give old Harold's prophecy a chance to come true, all through October 21, down to the last second. Right now my family and I are sleeping peacefully in our beds. Or we've just been snuffed out, along with the rest of the universe. Then again, if this posted and you're reading this, then we definitely are sleeping peacefully in our beds.

Hmmmm... Harold, whaddup? Since you didn't put up The Bible Guarantees It billboards all over the place this time, perhaps you'll escape some ridicule. Or perhaps you meant Oct. 21, 2011 on the Ethiopian calendar? That would mean the next real, true, pinky-swear end end of the world is actually on June 28, 2019 according to the Gregorian calendar.

Perhaps I'll schedule another Doomsday Predictions Are Stupid post on June 28, 2019.

Yup, that's my dad

3Po: Mama, why did you buy a devil bathrobe costume for daddy?