Last week Alfie banged his head on a door and split his forehead open. The only kind of bandage we could find was a bright yellow Spongebob Squarepants Band Aid. He almost didn't want to go to work the next day because of it.
Unfortunately, that's just one of the many hazards of parenting we've had to face in the last decade, and I'm not talking about Alfie's split cut (although the accident was a direct result of being a parent: he tripped over a gigantic foam moon that the kids had left in the middle of the room). I'm talking about the gradual erosion of the tasteful environment you built for yourself in the BC (Before Child) era. If you're not careful, garish cartoon characters like Spongebob, Barney and Dora will slowly take over your household decor, your appliances, your toiletries and your life. Not your kid's life, yours. I defy any parent to swear that he or she has not done at least one of the following:
* eaten from a bright neon plastic plate
* drank from a Mickey Mouse cup
* signed checkbooks using a purple ink gel pen
* written out a grocery list with a 12-foot pencil
* washed their hair with watermelon-berry-burst scented shampoo
* brushed their teeth with sparkle-bubblegum toothpaste
* filled a water bottle with teddy bears on it and taken it to the gym
* eaten dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets or chicken soup with stars/princess/superhero shaped noodles for dinner
Me? Guilty as charged. I've done every single one of those things, and more. But enough is enough. Who do they think rules the roost?
Last year I took a big leap and stopped using those melamine kiddie bowls for the kids' breakfast cereal. They now use regular dinnerware for their meals. This year I plan to do the same for their silverware; I need to go shopping for more forks, spoons and knives, but once I get around to doing that we can throw away their Hello Kitty spoons, Buzz Lightyear forks and chewed-up sporks. It's time our dinner table stopped looking like a daycare center and started looking like a dinner table.
The era of the kid-themed household is ending, long live plain beige Band Aids!
That is, until 3Po turns his angelic face my way and says, "Pleeeeeeeeese, mama, can we buy these Bakugan Band Aids?"
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