How to Have the Perfect Night at BlogHer

Step 1. Have your neckline henna-tattooe'd by the most talented henna artist ever at the Social Luxe Lounge party. Put yourself entirely in her creative hands and allow her to transform your neckline into the only piece of bling you'll ever need to wear.

Step 2. Squeeze into a SlimPerfect little black dress, which squeezes and slims you in (without making you feel like you're being shoved into a whalebone corset) and generally turns you into a hot mama. (If you won the dress in a contest like I did, don't forget to disclose that you did so you don't get in trouble with the FTC).

Thanks @muffintopless for the photo!

Step 3. Paint fingernails and toenails red. Don't be embarrassed about sitting on the floor in your short, short SlimPerfect little black dress because it actually has shorts on underneath, so you won't be pulling a Brittney Spears with this dress.

Thanks @muffintopless for the photo!

Step 4. Get a makeover by Nicole Rogers of Bombshell Artistry and end up looking like a million bucks. While you are being primped and polished by Nicole and her assistant, look out the window and see President Obama's motorcade on its way to the Chicago Hyatt Regency, and feel super-cool knowing that you were at the Hyatt a couple of hours earlier and knew all about his visit.

Thanks @muffintopless for the photo!

Step 5. Warm up for the party circuit by chatting with Carol of Muffintopless, Debba of Girlfriendology, Jerri-Ann Reason of MomECentric, Courtney from AppleOfMyEye, and Krystle from SnarkyKisses. Except this is much, much better since you don't have to shout to make ourselves heard, and instead of standing around in high heels, you can sprawl all over the beds in your bare feet.

Step 6. Get an impromptu photo shoot done by official BlogHer photographer and official awesome makes-any-person-in-a-photo-look fabulous Carla Duharte-Razura.

Thanks @babyjidesign for the photo!

Step 7. Take a sip of your first apple martini, then proceed to gulp down the rest of it, turn to your roomate (who happens to be aforementioned awesome photographer) and ask her, in a very polite, conversational tone, as though we had just been introduced, what conference she was here for.

Step 8. Realize that the apple martini was the most alcohol you've consumed in months and agree to work off the alcohol by visiting Chicago's Wit bar and several others (consuming 4 kamikazes along the way) until ending up at a dance bar and dancing until 3AM.

Now THAT, my friends, is how to have a perfect night.