The funny thing is, the products on that post are just my Top 5, the ones I can't imagine anyone wanting. I did quite a bit of internet surfing to research the post, and found quite a few other Bad Valentine's Day gifts; I didn't include them because I realize one man's meat is another man's poison, so some people might actually find them sweet or funny. Besides, 5 is always a nice round number. So without further ado, here are some of my runners up for Worst Valentine's Day Gift Ideas:
Kissy toilet paper --I've seen other versions too, some with hearts and others with words of love. This is like saying you're okay with wiping your ass on romance. | |
Knitted Willy Warmer --I can just imagine The Pea's grandmother knitting this little cozy for The Pea's grandfather! | |
Blow Job Undies -- It has a hole cut out in front, with stuffed lips surrounding the hole. I suppose it's the male version of crotchless panties, but sorry, what may be sexy to a man is not necessarily sexy to a woman. | |
Laser Heart Crystal --I think crystal paperweights are tacky as hell. Having your smiling faces etched into the crystal just makes it creepy. Can you believe it, this thing costs $139?? | |
Heart-shaped acrylic valentine plaque --This is the cheapo version of the previous item. It only costs $32.95, and you get free engraving. Wow, you get so much more tackiness per dollar! | |
Dinner at White Castle --You get a candlelit table, waiters, music and a commemorative photo. And, oh, yeah, cheeseburgers and fries. I can see how this might be a lark for Harold & Kumar fans or penniless teenagers, but cheeseburgers?? You do need reservations and apparently they do fill up, so it must be quite a few people's idea of a romantic date. Perhaps it's the economy. |
While you're at it, check out the following Bad Gift Idea lists. They are hilarious -- one of them even has the chocolate scale that made my Worst Ever list (I found the list after I found the product, so great minds must think alike!):
* 10 Really, Really Bad Valentine's Day Gift Ideas (my favorite: the "Stupid, Ugly S**t")
* The Worst Valentine's Day Gifts Ever (my favorite: Richard Simmons' Sweatin to the Oldies DVD)
* 15 Gifts That Will Surely Piss Off Your Valentine (my favorite: the chocolate scale, of course!)
* Relationship Killers: The 12 Worst Valentine's Day Gifts Ever (my favorites: the nose clamp and pubic hair underwear )
Finally, here are the kids' choices for Worst Valentine's Day Gifts Ever:
The Pea: A banana
3Po: A sock
Jammy: Something girly, like nail polish
So there it is, all laid out for you. Everything you need to avoid in order to ensure a disaster-free Valentine's Day. Good luck!
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