Yes, it's true; Alfie is having an affair. He has a gleam in his eye and a spring in his step, and he can't wait to leave for work so he can be with her. Every night he comes home gushing about how much he loves her, and he can't wait for the weekends so they can spend more time together. Last weekend they went all the way to the Lick Observatory up on Mount Hamilton; there was snow on the top but Alfie said he didn't feel cold, thanks to her. She's hot stuff, all right. Men turn their heads when they see her and nod to Alfie in that Good for You, Man way. He loves feeling her vibrate between his legs (yes, he admitted as much to me, we have no secrets between us)! They even have similar temperaments -- Alfie says she loves all those twisty, turny roads as much as he does. I could never go there -- I'd get carsick and toss my cookies all the way up -- so that's something only the two of them will ever share.
It wasn't so bad the first time he hooked up with another gal; in fact, Bonnie was like one of the family (see, we were even on a first-name basis). The kids have known her all their lives, and they were absolutely devastated when she left. The night they said good-bye, 3Po whispered tearfully to me, "I don't think I'll like this new one as much, mama". I must admit, even I was really sad to see her go. It was hard to see Alfie dump Bonnie for the new gal, but even he had to accept the fact that keeping two of them would be too much. Bonnie was a real beauty and I thought she and Alfie looked really good together. I actually went out with the two of them a couple of times, and it surprised me how much I really, really enjoyed it! I've never done that kind of thing in my life before, but hey, even a good girl can do some wild things, right?
Some people have asked me, how can you let him do it? Well, I do worry sometimes about him, but at least he wears protection when he's with her. But in the end, I could no more ban him from seeing her than one could ban Jerry Seinfeld from collecting cars, or Kim Kardashian from hogging the spotlight, or Steve Jobs from making money. After being with her, he comes home to me and the kids feeling all happy and relaxed. She makes Alfie feel good. So shouldn't I be happy for him?
Oh, did I mention we were talking about motorcycles?
Bonnie is Alfie's old Triumph Bonneville, which he bought when The Pea was just a baby:
He sold her two weeks ago because he bought a new bike. Here's a photo of Bonnie on her last night with us. The kids were sobbing when she left!
And here's Alfie with his new love, a BMW GS:
What, did you think I was talking about another woman??
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