My Family Creed: Our Ten Commandments for living

Most companies and organizations have a mission statement. Not only does a clear, shared mission help define the values of a company and its employees, it also helps guide the behaviour of all employees. So why don't families have something similar?



Steven Covey, the author of "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People", writes about this in his book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families". Family creeds or mission statements help families decide what kind of family they want to be and what they value. A family creed is like a template for family member's behavior and decisions. Just like a company's mission statement, a family creed helps families stay on track towards being the kinds of people they want to be.

It's not difficult to describe my family. We've got five family members and hundreds of extended family members. We have a busy schedule. We watch a lot of tv on the weekends. We pretty much keep to ourselves. Our kids actually like spending time with each other. We're not big on bathroom privacy. We watch our budget. We like to travel.

Describing what kind of family we're striving for is bit more challenging. I decided to take a stab at writing our own family creed. For those with a Catholic background, think of it as part Ten Commandments (without the "Thou Shalt Nots") and part Apostles Creed (without the life of Jesus). I ran it by Alfie, and he agrees it's pretty good, for a first draft at least. This is the kind of thing that needs reviewing and revisiting, but for now, here's what we came up with:

We try new things

We respect our bodies

We're informed

We're open

We don't do things halfway

We appreciate the value of a dollar

We're in no hurry to grow up

We may not be religious... but we're moral

We respect people's choices

We look out for each other

We try new things 

We are open to new experiences -- traveling to new places, trying new foods, taking up new hobbies, learning new technologies. It's okay to dislike something, but it's not okay to decide you don't like something if you haven't tried it.

We respect our bodies

We are what we eat. We strive to eat foods that are healthy for our minds and bodies, foods that make us feel good inside and out. We keep our bodies and minds active. We avoid destructive behavior like overeating, binge drinking, smoking and drugs. We protect ourselves by putting safety first when we walk, bike, ride, drive, etc..

We're informed

We watch the news together every weekday morning. We don't sugarcoat the news: when cities get bombed or kids get murdered, we talk about it -- and reassure the kids that they are safe and they are loved. Because we discuss issues ranging from politics to economics to pop culture, the kids probably know more about current events than the average adult.

We are open

Whether it's keeping bedroom doors unlocked or being comfortable with nakedness or telling the truth, we are open with each other. We value honesty because it's the basis for trust. We know we can tell each other anything because we are secure in our love for one another.

We don't do things halfway

We're in it to win it... sort of. A win means doing something to the best of our ability, so we're not out to beat anybody but ourselves. When we win, we don't boast. When we lose, we dust ourselves off and keep trying. Failure is okay, giving up is not. That applies to school, soccer, dance, music, coding, drawing, and more.

We appreciate the value of a dollar

No chores, no allowance. If the kids want extra money, they'll have to earn it. We openly discuss budgets for holiday presents and vacations so the kids know what things cost -- and more importantly, they know that there are things we can afford, but chose not to spend on, in order to save.

We're in no hurry to grow up

We have baby nicknames for each other, we watch cartoons together, and we treat our stuffed elephant Horton like a member of the family. We all act our ages outside the house, but home is a safe place where security blankets are celebrated and the spirit of childhood is cherished.

We may not be religious... but we're moral

What do you get when you cross an atheist with a formerly-devout-now-disillusioned-Catholic? You get a family that doesn't deny the possibility of a God but doesn't rely on the fear of eternal punishment as an incentive to behave like a decent human being. Religious people aren't always moral, and you don't need religion to have a moral compass. We follow the Golden Rule. We strive to stay true to our beliefs but we don't try to impose them on anyone else.

We respect people's choices

We respect other people's beliefs and choices -- as long as they don't harm others physically, emotionally, or financially.  That's why we support LGBT rights, reproductive rights, religious freedom, and cultural diversity. We try not to pass judgement on people without knowledge of their situation because you never know what a person is going through. Empathy is key, and we always try to put ourselves in other people's shoes.

We look out for each other

"I didn't make that mess" doesn't mean you don't help clean it up. When someone has a recital, everyone who can make it attends.  When someone is sad, we try to cheer him/her up. This also applies, in a more general sense, to the world at large. We give back to the community, not just financial resources but also our time. We believe people who have been blessed with abundant resources have the moral responsibility to look beyond their own immediate family and act toward the greater good, because a better world for everyone also means a better world for us.